When a mother is following a diet or working out, she is sometimes not aware that she could cause psychological malformations for her daughter, which will affect her far into the future.
We do not mean that diets or working out are the main factors for these psychological malformations, but we want to address what has become a habit like saying words or negative behaviors that establishes negative values in young girls. If we realiz that the most important impression the girl forms about herself comes from the mother in the first place, we would know how negative it is what the mother says or does automatically and daily in front of her daughter.
It is not that the mother should stop working out so she does not negatively affect her daughter, but the mother can replace her negative words and behaviors with positive ones that establish positive values in the young girl.
Seven procedural warnings: ” psychological malformations “
D.Joan Cresler, Professor of Psychology at the College of “Quikit” in United States, talks about seven of the most common words and behaviors, and she warns mothers from saying and doing so:
Choosing the dress
“Do I look fat in this dress?”
D.cresler says: “Asking this question this way can be an idea for the girl that she should worry about her weight just like her mother”
Therefore, the mother should realize that her mission is to make her daughter see how fun it is to choose the right dress, not how worried she should be. We should replace this with another sentence like, “Do you like the color of the dress?” or “Doesn’t this sweater look soft?”
Criticize the appearance
Comments like “My stomach has gotten so big” makes the daughter looks partly to herself, not like one piece. D.cresler explains saying, “The image of the body is not relevant to its appearance”.
So the mother should focus on her natural abilities, like saying “I ran today for three miles” or “I went to the gym for two hours, which is good”. Such sentences help the daughter to appreciate her talents and abilities, instead of focusing on how she looks.
- One of the most common sentences are the comparison sentences, like saying
“I would like to be as lean as a model” or “why do not I look slim like….” These are all negative sentences; they show her daughter that her mother suffers from some deficiency, which makes her look in the mirror to find her deficiency too.
These sentences also make the daughter loses her sense of her mother’s uniqueness. We should replace these negative sentences with other sentences that establishe her feelings about her uniqueness.
Sentences show her that the inside beauty is the most important, and every woman- and every person- has what makes her special; it is not about how she looks, it could be a talent, sense of hummer, or athletic ability.
Mothers always complains about their weight, and how hard it is to lose weight and keep with their diet; speeches like this make their daughters always worried about weight things.
Therefore, it is better to focus on positive speeches like “Isn’t it fun to go bike riding?” or “I feel better after walking”. D.cresler warns-here-when the mother compliments her friend and says:
“You look great, have you lost weight?” Such sentences will only give the girl the idea that only losing weight makes you look great.
Rejection ” psychological malformations “
D.cresler says: “when someone praises your look and weight thank him for that, and do not reject him or show him that you do not believe him, or you consider his words as complimentary”.
Showing that you do not believe or rejection –simply- means that the mother does not think she is good enough which will be reflected on her daughter; and she will consider herself also not good enough for compliments. In the best case she will think that rejection against compliments is expected behavior.
Harmful food ” psychological malformations “
While the mother is trying to keep her diet she might stay away from some kinds of food, which is normal, but the problem starts to show when the mother starts describing these foods as harmful and that we should stay away from, which makes it hard for the little girl to learn how to enjoy her meals. It also establishes in her mind that keeping her look good cannot be done unless we stay away from kinds of food.
The answer is teaching the girl good eating habits and a balanced diet, instead of focusing on counting calories in each type of food.
Devastating suggestions “psychological malformations “
The mother may not be content with her own negative behavior or words, it may even go beyond criticizing her daughter. The criticism may be simple and the mother does not realize how negative it is to her daughter, like if she suggests to her to lose weight.
Such a suggestion sends a message to the daughter that the only acceptable body is the slim body, and so the daughter, who is growing, will try to reduce her food which may cause eating disorders.
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